Finding My Way Back Into The Studio

Summer has come and gone, and with the boys back in school, I’ve slowly been finding my way back into the studio. I wish I could say I came back feeling refreshed, inspired, and ready to paint. The truth is, those first few steps were harder than I expected.

After a busy summer, getting back into a new school year was challenging. There were schedules to figure out, a house to get back in order, birthday parties, hockey practices, meals, homework, and all of the everyday things that come with having two young boys.

And then there is my creative practice.

I had a large painting I had really enjoyed working on in the spring. When I came back to it, something felt different. The painting quickly turned into what felt like a disaster. I painted over parts of it. Then painted over it again. And again. The more frustrated I became with the painting, the more I started questioning myself.

Why am I doing this? Do I really want to continue pursuing art? For a little while, I wasn't sure.

Finding the why again

After some reflection, I realized that I do still want to paint. But also realized that I don't want to approach my art the way I have been. I want more play, curiosity and time to experiment without worrying about whether something is good enough to share. And, most importantly, I want less pressure.

There is so much incredible art online. Social media has been a wonderful way to connect with other artists, collectors, and people who enjoy my work. I’m grateful for those connections but somewhere along the way, all of that scrolling and comparing has started to affect me.

Seeing so many talented artists, beautiful studios, perfectly filmed painting processes, carefully curated feeds, and successful businesses made me feel like I should be doing more.

I should be creating more. I should be filming more. I should be growing faster. I should be better. And without realizing it, that pressure began to take the joy out of painting and sharing.

Painting doesn't have to be content

One thing I've realized is that it simply isn't my personality to film every part of the creative process. Painting has always been a form of meditation for me. It's one of the few times I can quiet everything else around me and go inward.

I don't want to spend that time thinking about the perfect setup, trending audios, or performing just to capture views.

I want to paint and make a mess. Maybe some of those paintings won't work and that's okay.

I'm trying to give myself permission to remember that the purpose of creating isn't always to produce something beautiful, sellable, or Instagram-worthy. Sometimes the purpose is simply to create.

Practicing what I preach

Lately, I've been thinking about something I tell my boys all the time: You can't get better at something without practicing.

They are learning so many new things right now between schoolwork, hockey and being a team player within our home. I remind them that they aren't supposed to be perfect when they're learning something new. They just need to show up and keep practicing.

I think I need to give myself the same grace. I can't improve as an artist if I'm afraid to make bad paintings and I certainly can't enjoy the process if I'm comparing my journey to someone else's.

So that's where I am right now. Finding my way back to the studio, experimenting, simply because I love to paint.